10 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress: How you can Survive Your Next Family Gathering
Any time you get together with family, it can be quite stressful...
In the Young household, Christmas Eve is when we celebrate. We also enjoy our own family tradition of having a feast that my wife, son, and daughter look forward to in the weeks ahead. Oh yeah.... And we open up presents!
Christmas Day is a rich tradition as well. Our Christmas tradition means going to the in-laws for the entire day. It's an incredible day for our family as we celebrate together. There's a rich feast as my mother-in-law is an amazing cook and the rest of the family brings dishes that are simply amazing. Christmas is not a time to go on a diet!
Then there's the gift opening. Always fun.... Especially when we watch the children open their Christmas gifts.
Then there's the family banter. And that's not always so fun… For those of you familiar with the DISC behavioral assessment profile I'm a High DI - meaning I am a problem-seeking people lover. I usually have a perspective for most everything. But at Christmas time, I hold back… Christmas time at my in-laws is a special time where I "flex" my behavioral style to a much more adaptive quiet "Chris". Trust me... It takes a lot of energy to keep me quiet!
If I didn't "flex", there's a strong likelihood that I would offend someone who is "opposite" my Behavior Style. Remember… The more a person flexes their Behavioral Style, the more "energy" they use up in a particular period of time. This energy use leads to one of a couple of "paths" – energy burnout or tension flare-ups.
How do I handle the energy burnout? The same way many people do… At around 3pm on Christmas it's nap time. By then I am typically emotionally drained and I either need a nap or I need to go for a walk. I need to escape!
Yes.... I love my family. But I don't want to spend lots and lots of time with some of them!
Following are Ten Ways to Minimize Stress at Christmas...
- Visualize a good time. In the days prior to Christmas – think positive thoughts about your time with your family members. Remember the good times from Christmas past. Visualize a low stress Christmas. You will get what you "look for". Just as the expectations you set of your employees affects their performance, the expectations you set of your family get together will determine if you have an enjoyable time or not.
- Smile a lot. Smiling improves your "likeability factor". If others see you as "likeable" – they will in turn "flex" their Behaviors to meet yours. Besides… Many people look for visual "cues" in others to tell them how things are going. By smiling, I am either telling them I am happy or not a threat to them.
- Don't take anything personally. Everyone sees the world differently and is a product of days, weeks, months, and years of life history. What others say or do doesn't truly reflect you – but rather their own "issues". Robert Hartman conducted some very interesting on how individuals view the world around them (called axiology). Click here for more info.
- Talk about what others talk about. People like people who are most like themselves. Be like others and they will be less likely to see you as a "threat".
- When in doubt - say nothing. What you say may be used against you. If you doubt what you are about to say will be taken in a positive light – don't say it.
- Know when to disengage. Feeling tense? Ready to verbally "spar" with someone you can't stand? Go for a walk. Take a nap. Read a book. Watch television. Play a game with the kids. Do what it takes to get out of the situation so that you don't end up saying or doing something you will regret.
- Minimize alcohol intake. Alcohol frees up inhibitions and with it – the best intentions disappear. Limit yourself to one beverage at most.
- Remember… "This too shall pass." You can tolerate anything for a short period of time.
- Forgive. In the "spirit of Christmas" – forgive. Just forgive others for what they may have done – perceived or real. Most importantly, forgive yourself.
- You are normal! The more people in your family or at a get together – the more likely you will meet someone who drives you crazy! It's normal!
- Spend Christmas with only your immediate family!
Christmas should be a time of celebration. Enjoy your time with your family members and loved ones by flexing your Behavioral Style. You will be glad you did!
Merry Christmas!
Other posts you may be interested in:
- Employee Performance Expectations: What is Your Organization's Pygmalion Effect?
- Workplace Bullying: A Label of Convenience
- Causes of Conflict in the Workplace: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Chris Young helps organizations Maximize Possibility through talent management, cultural transformation, and strategic intervention. Bring Chris in today!
